I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
