I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
