If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize