Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
