It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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