You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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