It's Friday. Sex?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
