This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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