I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
