yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
