I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
