The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
