My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize