Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
