you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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