I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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