By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
