You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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