Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
