you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
