Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
