Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
