i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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