so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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