Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
