Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
