I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
