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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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