The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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