Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
