I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
