i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
