I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
