he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
