Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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