It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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