but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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