I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
