Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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