I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
