I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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