I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
