called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize