This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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