you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
