i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
