Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
