Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
