Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
