Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
