idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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