I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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