I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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