sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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