i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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