it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
thus making me awesome and them whores
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
