My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
