i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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