Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
