if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
