Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
