Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
