Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need water and some morals
Randomize
