I'm going to jail i love you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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