There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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