I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
