I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
