i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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