***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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