they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
