I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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