in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
