i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
