just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
