Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
