That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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